Time flied. I can't remember how March & a half of Apr have gone.
- Stressful? Healthy problems?
- Little isolation?
- Crash?
- Lazy?
- Bookworm?
- Too much free so too much lonely?
Today, after a white night - once more, I feel... smth like blank... smth like hope... smth clear... smth confused...
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It's easy to quickly reply every questions related to future & career:
- Oh, too far to think about. I don't care anything. Now I have to pay attention on my thesis for graduation...
- Part-time work? Nothing. So do freelance. No no no.
Love & marriage? I only feel =)) when talking 'bout that.
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But, recall. Exactly, could I be free like my performance?
Standing at a crossroad with too many roads to choose. I see: I have to choose one & follow it (just tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun...). I also undersand I have responsibility for all my choices & decisions. No regret, no complain! I also know deeply that I'm the only one who could answer all questions: what exactly I want? who exactly I want to become? where exactly I want to work & live? How exactly is my work, how exactly is my life? Ah` hah, my love, my future family, too & so on...
Haiz. It's a very very long way waiting for me. I believe in happy-ending like folk-tale so I don't want to complain. But emotion is emotion. It advises me to write it down.
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Last week & the isolation.
Well, someone could never know. Who care? I don't want to care, too. I tasted the feeling & that was enough. Luckily, it didn't go too far.
I sometimes feel quite angry & disappointed for someone's behavior. Too selfish, that's all. Ok but it wasn't too important to me so that I became crazy.
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Last few days & probs at home. Exactly, what is relationship? what is closed relationship? To me, it only a principle: no love = nothing.
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Last night, I had an important discussion with one of my friend. It was really essential to me 'cos it's a chance for me to test my knowledge. Or I could be confident (even a very little) & proud (even a bit, too) of my understanding; or once more, disappointed about myself.
& I was true.
It doesn't mean that I'm always right or I could remember all important knowledge. But, at least, I felt free. No pressure. No worry.
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Ok, change is natural, change is a part of our lives. No matter what it is, I hope something could remain, forever.
Although I look very different from me in the past.
Although I have new hobbies, new habits replacing the old ones.
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Now I'm listening to a Beatles' song. One of my favour song, for a long long time...
There're places I remember
In my life
Though some has changed
Some forever -not-for-better
Some has gone
[& some remain]
.... All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall...
Some are dead & some are living
In my life:
I love them all...
