Autumn has arrived. Mom put a vase of yellow daisy on the table in our kitchen, "because of autumn", she said. She also updated that this year the"November daisy" would not appear as a result of too much storms (and rain).
I wore Daisy Dream and went out for work. On the road, a guy passed me just to said that "how fragant it is". I didnt care whether it's a compliment or not. I just like this blue fragance.
(Recently I also love le jardin de monseur Li. It calms me down, likes a slight pat on top of my head, or likes being in a spring garden full of blooming lime flowers. I feel safe and comfortable "in" it.)
Autumn has really really arrived when I smell the air of autumn in early morning and night. It's something like foggy or smoky. I love that smell so much.
Today we had an important opening ceremony. I get used to the event flow, knowing that I'll cry a lillte bit at the "key moment" (unveil moment).
Suddenly, I felt blank this time. I didnt know why. Everything looked luxury and sparkling and professional bla blah... but meaningless. I saw some attenders and felt something like sorry for them. They did not belong to that place. And, did I?
But I cried at another moment when she paused her presentation for the clip. She stood on the right side of the stage which is in kept in dim blue light for better screen display. This was the first time I saw her in that deep solitude. She seemly belonged to her own planet which is so so far from this earth and in which she is the one and only.
It's so sad.
Has my job changed from happiness to sadness? Or it's all about sadness from the beginning and I, yearning for the compexity and challenge, has jumped in and enjoyed it?
Or being a mother has changed the way I see this world?